It is easy to get the feeling that we could all do a good job in general practice if it wasn’t for the crazies, the difficult ones, the slower types and the worried well. It is a bit like John Cleese in Fawlty Towers – who made the same mistake.
Today I saw a woman that I met a decade ago. She looked dreadful, much as she had done then. At that time she had been banned from our local emergency department. Now she is unable to get care from the psychiatrists. A decade ago she was complaining of pain and was relentless in trying to get medication and something done. In fact she had an abscess in her neck, no doubt due in some part to her lifestyle. She was sent away to a tertiary center and put through the mill. Spinal surgery, intensive care, rehabilitation.
She recovered in terms of her abscess but remains as out of control now as she was when all this started. Today, 10 years later, she is again begging me not to see her as a drug seeker, a doctor shopper, a write off. It was difficult not to do so all that time ago despite her neurological signs, just as it is now.
I have never prescribed her painkillers or benzodiazepines despite massive protestation: the sort that makes you bleed. It is heart felt, theatrical and even a little endearing before it becomes somewhat intimidating, quickly tedious for those measuring their own responses in terms of best practice or guidelines. There is absolutely no vaguely visible road to success. It is so compelling only because she genuinely suffers so much; wailing, pleading as tissues amass in or near the bin.
She sees her future only in terms of medications provided by doctors; me and my colleagues only in terms of degrees of rejection. She is “The Hulk” of medication users – she even looks a little green. There is no end of medical and social labels that apply, made all the more compelling due to her lack of insight. She is stark naked in her intoxicated disguises.
How to help? Her life is always on a thread. Efforts to help from a myriad of agencies lead nowhere noticeable. The pain is felt by all.
I shook her hand today and we parted peacefully enough. She might take me up on my offer to help her be a little healthier without feeding her hunger for intoxication. Some I have known like her have died younger, some have stumbled into middle age where they sparkle like drunk adolescents in a bowls club. I really wonder at her will to live and be fed. I feel for her family.
Do I have room for hope?